Daily Intent

Santa Barbara, California -By Jeff Bochsler - Follow me on Twitter. Tell the world by clicking the Facebook link above.

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“The Woman With the Chocolate Doughnut – m4w – 37 (El Rancho, Santa Ynez)

‘Dear remarkable woman with the chocolate doughnut who asked me to squash a bug at El Rancho Market in Santa Ynez this morning-

You’re very, very intriguing. You’re truly gorgeous, and seemed both really smart and deeply gracious. I

worked far too late last night, and was extremely fuzzy while drinking coffee; thus my apparent inability to form a coherent sentence in English. I hope my giving you a napkin- a sincere if perhaps misplaced attempt at chivalry- wasn’t perceived as an insinuation that you are a messy eater: it just looked like you were getting frosting on your mouse pad.

In any event, I am kicking myself- as I knew I would be- for not at least trying to speak to you. If by some strange chance you happen to see this, I would be delighted to meet for coffee, donuts, or wine sometime.

I’d love to hear from you- best regards.’¨ – Missed Connections, Craigslist.com

WHAT IS “MISSED CONNECTIONS”:
If you have never visited Craigslist’s Missed Connection section, it is definitely worth a 5 minute perusal. It is humorous and a bit of a psychology lesson. The intent of the section is to offer an area for people to express their desire to connect with someone whom they missed the opportunity to initially connect. Most are along the lines of: “5:30pm last night we shared in small talk waiting in the Trader Joe’s line, but I never got your name or number. If you were feeling the good vibes as well, please write me and tell me the shirt I was wearing so I know it is you.” Others are as detailed as the chocolate donut woman. This is what is called a “missed connection”.

Daily there are new posts of people fumbling a connection, failing to execute, and/or having fear overwhelm them into inaction. The popularity seems to stem from that fact that we’ve all been there. We have all missed a connection we’d love to have another shot at. Then again, most all enjoy reading about the “bloopers” of someone else’s life.

The Missed Connections section has grown to intense popularity levels and entrepreneurs like Sophie Blackall’s have taken note. She has taken up the job of creating art based off the postings.

SUMMERTIME:
Roof top rallies. 5k community competitions. Birthday barbeques. Fundraising fun. Museum merrymakings mixers.

The summer is sure to put out plenty of people centric parties, which mean for you and me, new prospective friends, mentors, business relationships, workout partners, and not to forget the friendly Facebook and Twonderful Twitter friends and followers. Depending on your reality, your focus, and interests, certain interactions will be of more importance than others.

CAPITALIZE ON OPPORTUNITIES:
You must take advantage of these gatherings. They might be the one shot you have at quality time with this infectious influence on your life.

1. A booming business contact could mean all the difference to your budding start-up.
2. A beautiful talent of charm, a young dapper dandy, could be the majestic white princess on your wedding day.
3. A consistent workout partner could be the barbell between gaining five pounds of muscle and five extra belly rolls.

We aren’t meant to be spending minutes or hours questioning whether we let our dream man or woman walk out the door without a word. We aren’t meant to suffer through workouts alone. Nor see businesses flop because of our fear of reaching out for help and mentoring.

1. We are to be people with intention.
2. We are to be a nation with epic vibration.
3. We are to be awesome blokes with memorable jokes.

So be bold. Don’t walk away from an event kicking yourself for not talking to him or her. Don’t try to act like the cool guy putting out the vibe in the corner. Get over it. Step beyond your comfort zone, put a candid smile on your face, and ask to be included in their life’s tapestry. Ask that they be woven into yours. It might be for just that moment, a shared laugh, or a simple story. It might be for eternity. Then again, you could get shot down. Big freaking deal. Next! Either way it is your job to make it happen.

8 TIPS:
Here are 8 tips to ensure you live fearless and capitalize on connection opportunities. May they help to ensure you never write a Missed Connection again!

1. Prepare: Mentally and physically prepare yourself for the interaction in which you desire. If possible, do your research about the person across the way. Know the points of common ground. However, don’t over analyze it! We all know the negatives of analysis paralysis.
2. Intention: Know what your intention is in the introduction. Think of the WE rather than ME. What will they gain from the introduction?
3. Wingman/Wingwoman: They aren’t always needed, but it doesn’t ever hurt if you have a trusted intermediary acting as your set up. If you don’t believe set ups are important, see my article, “Step Up Your Set Up – Malibu Style”.
4. Be Yourself: If you aren’t yourself, you aren’t allowing for a long-term connection. You are being fake. Over time this will destroy the false connection you are creating. So be real.
5. Take a Deep Breath: If the situation makes you nervous, calm down by taking a deep breath and smiling. Be curious and ask questions about them.
6. Contact Information: Don’t leave without getting their contact information. I find it best to plug their number in my phone and/or Facebook/Twitter on the spot, then making a note in my notes or schedule in my calendar for a follow-up.
7. Card: Send a handwritten thank you or nice to meet you email.
8. Call: Call whenever you believe it to be appropriate. If you are looking for them to be a workout partner, line-up a workout in the coming week.

So go on. Don’t live out bloopers from which others can humor their lives. Take advantage of these summer opportunities. Compound on your efforts. Be curious. Be courageous. Never miss a connection again.

It’s EASY:
I’d love it if you could take time to write a sentence or two to answer the following questions. What are you going to do today to ensure you never have a missed connection again? What fear are you going to knock down?

SHOUT OUT:
I must commend Kristin Riley. Just a moment ago, I’m sitting along Marina Green in San Francisco. The Golden Gate Bridge and Alcatraz in the distance. Sail boats to my right. And athletes of all shapes and sizes taking advantage of the one sunny summer day in San Francisco. I’ve learned to write where I’m inspired. This place inspires me.

So I’m buried in thoughts, and from my left I hear, “you get internet connection here?” “Unfortunately, no, but I’m writing so it doesn’t matter much.” The conversation moves forward with friendly chit-chat. Come to find out we both have a common friends, which leads to the discovery that we went to the same university, and graduated the same year. Oh, and she grew up in Goleta. Small world, indeed. We exchanged contacts and will surely be in touch. The moral of the story, it was bold of her to reach out and connect with me. The interaction was a success. We now both have another great connection grounded in our college experience.

POINTS TO PONDER:
Visit The Jeff Bochsler Daily. It is a compilation of my Twitter feeds (CompoundingYou) in newspaper form. I only follow global, newsworthy sources that further my understanding of economic development.

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Live and Be Well,

Jeff Bochsler

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